Coming to terms

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On just another hot summer day, I was sitting in my bedroom shirtless when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. The thought that came to mind was, ‘wow, I’ve really let myself go.’ 😔 I spent my Lockdown watching Netflix and stuffing my face. I don’t regret anything about how I passed the time, the world honestly felt like it was about to end, every two weeks the cases kept growing and the Lockdown kept on getting extended, there was no way I was doing anything productive. While food kept me sane, it also kept me growing. 😖

I can’t tell you how much weight I gained but I can tell you that I got big and stretch marks that can attest to the fact that I’ve really let myself go. Yes I said stretch marks, this is particularly weird because I’ve never heard of men getting stretch mark, which by the way is perfectly normal. ️  I first thought I was weird and questioned my manhood, I isolated myself and started having thoughts that aren’t particularly pleasant. I’d say to myself, ‘look at you, you’re hideous and weak you can’t even go for a jog without walking back half dead after circling the house once.’ 😓

 It also didn’t help when everyone I knew started noticing that I had chubby cheeks and that my clothes seemed smaller. I remember staring at the mirror and wondering how could I have let things get so out of control. 😧 I wish this story had a point where I realised that I could change and that all I needed to do was try to exercise or do something fancy. This article is not about motivating you or giving you a large boast-off so that you can achieve your goals and all. But don’t stop reading there’s a point to all this madness. 😅

It’s okay, I gained weight and its okay. You didn’t finish writing that book and its okay, you didn’t get that summer body and its okay, and you didn’t get that job and its okay. Whatever it is you wish you had done this year but weren’t able to do, it is okay! 😌 This year was a lot and you don’t owe anyone anything. Your goals haven’t gone anywhere, you can still make it possible, maybe not in 2020 but we’re almost done with this year and there’s a brand new one right after. I can’t promise you that everything is going to be better from now on, but I can tell you that you are going to be alright. 🤗 

I still have my growing body and stretch marks, I may or may not decide to exercise and lose some weight but one thing I know is that, I’m going to stop hating myself for what I failed to do in 2020, it’s been a crazy year and we coped with it in the best way possible. 😎 We lost people we cared for and it was hard getting up in the morning. You got up anyway and we’re taking life one step at a time. It may not be easy but life’s never been easy, we’re still here. I don’t know what you’re going through and I don’t know how to make it better but what I can tell is that it’s okay, it’s okay to feel how you feel. 🙃